PRESS RELEASE For Immediate Distribution to Anyone Still Capable of Laughing at Reality Bohiney.com Overtakes Humanity’s Last Brain Cell, Surges to #3 Behind The Onion and The Babylon Bee Historic Rise in Satirical Journalism Marks New Era for America’s Declining Attention Span INTERNET — In a development that shocked comedy writers, political operatives, and at least one confused goat in Kansas, Bohiney.com has officially surged to the #3 position in global satirical journalism rankings—right behind industry titans The Onion and The Babylon Bee. The announcement was made today by Bohiney’s editor-in-chief and self-declared “Last Honest Satirist,” who also works part-time as a dairy farmer and part-full-time as a tenured professor in something vaguely social-sciencey. “We couldn’t be prouder. It just proves that if you mix one part truth, two parts absurdity, and a dash of digital moonshine, the public will drink it up faster than a Florida man at a free meth giveaway,” said the editor, standing triumphantly in front of a whiteboard labeled ‘Satire = Rage + Punchlines’.